We are now reaching our final ascent. We have reached rung
eighteen and are climbing slowly but surely up the ladder. When I started this series,
it seemed an impossible task to break down such a great and lengthy book. Instead,
what I have found are practical lessons that are forming part of a larger work,
that will probably end up being a book. It will contain everything I’ve written
about the Ladder as well all my previous posts and will be the source of my
journey into Orthodoxy. I’ve been attending an Orthodox parish for almost five years
now and there are many practical lessons I’ve learned and will continue to
share through this blog. I am not transitioning this blog into anything it has
not already been. A place where Orthodoxy flourishes and where you can get a lay
approach to the theological context of the Orthodox Church. The only Church of
Jesus Christ. In doing so, we must continue to go up the Ladder and reach our
destination. In so we will undoubtedly reach the point where we will need to
face the death of our soul. Im not talking about a physical death, we have already
covered that point, rather I am discussing a spiritual deadening of the soul,
one that does not have the power to overcome the wiles of the devil and one
that sleeps in sin and sickness. This is insensibility at its finest, one that
will cause a grown man to go insane and become a wildling. Let us see what St.
John says. He says, “He who has lost sensibility is a brainless philosopher,
a self-condemned commentator, a self-contradictory windbag, a blind man who
teaches others to see. He talks about healing a wound and does not stop
irritating it. He complains of sickness and does not stop eating what is
harmful. He prays against it, and immediately goes and does it. And when he has
done it, he is angry with himself; and the wretched man is not ashamed of his
own words. ‘I am doing wrong,’ he cries, and eagerly continues to do so. His
mouth prays against his passion, and his body struggles for it. He
philosophises about death, but he behaves as if he were immortal. He groans
over the separation of soul and body, but drowses along as if he were eternal.
He talks of temperance and self-control, but he lives for gluttony. He reads
about the judgment and begins to smile. He reads about vainglory, and is
vainglorious while actually reading. He repeats what he has learnt about vigil,
and drops asleep on the spot. He praises prayer, but runs from it as from the
plague. He blesses obedience, but he is the first to disobey. He praises
detachment, but he is not ashamed to be spiteful and to fight for a rag. When
angered he gets bitter, and he is angered again at his bitterness; and he does
not feel that after one defeat he is suffering another. Having overeaten he
repents, and a little later again gives way to it. He blesses silence, and
praises it with a spate of words. He teaches meekness, and during the actual
teaching frequently gets angry. Having woken from passion he sighs, and shaking
his head, he again yields to passion. He condemns laughter, and lectures on
mourning with a smile on his face. Before others he blames himself for being
vainglorious, and in blaming himself is only angling for glory. himself. He looks people in the face with passion,
and talks about chastity. While frequenting the world, he praises the solitary
life, without realizing that he shames himself. He extols almsgivers, and
reviles beggars. All the time he is his own accuser, and he does not want to
come to his senses—I will not say cannot.” Okay so yea. That’s a lot. Which
is why I put it here. It’s a lot, because St. John is being blunt. Those who
are insensible are given over to the passions in such a way that it is
difficult for them to come back from it. However, with a little look into it,
there is hope for all of us.
We are constantly battling, constantly striving for the
salvation that comes from God. The insensible person too is said to be
striving, but returns evermore to the same sins over and over again without
thought or recourse. Constant vigilance of the soul is important, bringing us to
repentance. We have discussed all the previous sins that he mentions and more.
We understand that person who is insensible doe not care that he is wasting his
life, only that he wants the temporary forgiveness from God and continues on in
his dealings. The insensible person is leading those to damnation through their
efforts and tries to pass it off as living a just life. We must not repeatedly
fall into the same sins as the ones that came before. We must be striving to
rid ourselves of the passions and become dispassionate, being able to react to
things in the right mindset. If we live in obedience, we must honor the
obedience that has been set before us. We must reject overeating as not to be
satisfied by the food, but rather nourished and strengthened by it. We must be
silent, so as to be not condemned by our words. We must strive to be a beacon of
prayer. Though we are not monks, a few hours of our day spent in prayer, rather
than watching television would do us all good.
We must turn from anger, rather and be insightful, instructing those who
we have been given as brothers and sisters to further enrich their lives, not
to tear them down when they have wronged us. Those who need our uttermost care
are often the ones we reject and send away for fear they might embarrass us and
bring shame to the community. We must shun the glory for ourselves when repent,
understanding that heaping the glory on ourselves removes the glory from God
who gave us the repentance. We are called to be children of God, not to be
tools of death. We must have self-control over ourselves and tame our innermost
being before we can even think about helping others. We are not pure of heart yet
and yet we act as if we are. We act without fear of death and without the care
of our souls. We go to clubs and dance halls with riotous music and with lewd
dance moves. We watch porn, we jump off cliffs. We act as if tomorrow will
never come. We live for the moment, not for eternity. I will say that I have had
a few insensible moments in my life. Dragging myself down and throwing my self
into the pit. I have lived as if tomorrow would never come and that I would not
have to face the judge. But in the back of my mind, there was always the sense
of urgency, the urgency to repent and to come back to the fullness of faith. In
doing so, I was able to drag myself upwards this time, returning to God. We
must do this brothers and sisters, we must forsake the world of the living and
live for the world of the immortal. Time will come for us to all face the judge.
We need to be prepared. Are we willing to live in a world of vainglory and sin?
I would hope not. I will leave you with this,
hoping that you will in some ways grow and keep yourself away from insensibility
and corruption of the soul. St. John says, “I was astounded at the words of
this raving creature and asked her about her father, wishing to know her name,
and she said; ‘I have no single parentage; my conception is mixed and
indefinite. Satiety nourishes me, time makes me grow, and bad habit entrenches
me. He who keeps this habit will never be rid of me. Be constant in vigil,
meditating on the eternal judgment; then perhaps I shall to some extent relax
my hold on you. Find out what caused me to be born in you, and then battle against
my mother; for she is not in all cases the same. Pray often at the coffins, and
engrave an indelible image of them in your heart. For unless you inscribe it
there with the pencil of fasting, you will never conquer me.’
Pray for me dear brothers and sisters, as I pray for you. God
bless.
Amen.
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