If
the 21st Rung was where I fell off, knowing my heart and my mind,
then there is no way that I have achieved victory over the last of these. Throwing
off the yoke of the devil was never easy. It was always going to be a difficult
decision and task set before us. Do we flee from that which appears easily and
luxurious, to something that appears tiresome and poverty-stricken? Or do we go
with the poverty-stricken appearance that is truly luxurious? The question and decision
laid before us, is whether we are willing to sacrifice our pride for the sake
of our immortal souls. Recently as I have stated, there have been issues with
me and my cowardly outlook on life. I have fled from the danger God placed me
in, to a place of even more suffering and pain that I could even imagine. But that
is what happens when you reject God’s love. The pride that you endure makes you
suffer, both physically and spiritually and I have experienced both as of late.
St. John says, “With regard to its form, vainglory is a change of nature, a
perversion of character, a note of blame. And with regard to its quality, it is
a dissipation of labours, a waste of sweat, a betrayal of treasure, a child of
unbelief, the precursor of pride, shipwreck in harbour, an ant on the
threshing-floor which, though small, has designs upon all one’s labour and
fruit. The ant waits for the gathering of the wheat, and vainglory for the
gathering of the riches of virtue; for the one loves to steal and the other to
squander.” He also says, “The sun shines on alike, and vainglory beams
on all activities. For instance, I am vainglorious when I fast, and when I
relax the fast in order to be unnoticed I am again vainglorious over my
prudence. When well-dressed I am quite overcome by vainglory, and when I put on
poor clothes I am vainglorious again. When I talk I am defeated, and when I am
silent I am again defeated by it. However I throw this prickly-pear, a spike
stands upright.”
So
what does it meant to be vainglorious? Well in the above statements its pretty
clear. We are a waste of sweat, a betrayal of treasure. We have gathered riches
only for them to be stolen from us by our own pride. We are like the man who
spends all his hours accumulating wealth and pleasures, only for that very night
for his soul to be demanded from him by God. Prayer, fasting, love of your
neighbor is good, yes, but in reality, it is not good if you do not have the
light of Christ illuminating your heart. Without Christ, everything that we do
is for nothing. We could give away everything, we could fast, we could pray and
if we don’t have Christ then we are still without. The protestants pray, but
they do not have Christ. The Catholics pray, and they too do not have Christ.
The Muslims pray and they do not have Christ. Only in Orthodoxy is Christ to be
found. We know where the Holy Spirit is, we cannot say where he is not. For the
Holy Spirit works throughout the world, but especially through the Church and
we know he is in the Church. We pray that by our struggles as we continue up
the ladder that we will rid ourselves of pride. If being a coward was one of
the steps to ridding ourselves of pride then we must acquire the bravery of
heart to proclaim the gospel without fear or condemnation and to dare call God
Father. We must pray: “Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name; thy
kingdom come; thy will be done; on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day
our daily bread. And forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who
trespass against us. And lead us not into temptation; but deliver us from evil.”
Without which we cannot over come pride. We will continually swim in the
cares and destruction of life, without so much as gaining ground. We have to
stand firm in the faith. Neither going to the left or to the right. We must
remain on the straight and narrow path, the path that leads us to salvation.
St. John says, “There is a glory that comes from the Lord, for He says:
Those who glorify Me, I will glorify. And there is a glory that dogs us through
diabolic intrigue, for it is said: Woe, when all men shall speak well of you. You
may be sure that it is the first kind of glory when you regard it as harmful
and avoid it in every possible way, and hide your manner of life wherever you
go. But the other you will know when you do something, however trifling, hoping
that you will be observed by men.”
Oh
how much sweeter is it to receive the glory from God than to receive it from
men? It is the sweetest of sweet the fragrance of life. The very beginning of
the transformation of our corruptibility into incorruption. Let us pray that
God through the prayers that we offer to him will accept them and that God will
protect us from all sort of pride and destruction. I know that God is on the
side of all those who love Him and I pray that I will love Him above all else,
sacrificing my own will for the sake of the Kingdom of God. I leave you with
this advice from St. John. He says, “When we invite glory, or when it comes
to us from others uninvited, or when out of vainglory we decide upon a certain
course of action, we should remember our mourning and should think of the holy
fear with which we stood before God in solitary prayer; and in this way we
shall certainly put shameless vainglory out of countenance—if we are really
concerned to attain true prayer. If this is insufficient, then let us briefly
recollect our death. And if this is also ineffective, at least let us fear the
shame that follows honour. For he who exalts himself will be humbled1 not only
there, but certainly here as well”
Amen.
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